Lots and Lots of Babies!

Well if you don't know me well then you don't know how in-love I am with Babies from Birth to lets say age 8. I LOVE BABIES!! Well just watching Tori and Dean season finale and they named the baby Hattie. Tori said they googled old fashion baby names. That's how they found the name. I googled it too and found 2 more Girls names to my list. 1 I'd never heard before and I doubt I ever will. Yes I know I'm eternally single Kate but that doesn't mean I can Adopt ( even with my mother telling me to go to a sperm bank. Yes she seriously does) I've always wanted to Adopt and especially after my Best Friend Kelly Vloedman died in 8th grade. She was Adopted. I plan on Honoring her by using her name as either a first or middle name. Not sure yet. Also Jayne after my Aunt who died of breast cancer. The 2 new names I found will be kept private. I would love to have at least one Biological child and love to adopt one also. I don't feel the need to give birth to be a Mother. I feel that given birth doesn't quailfy a women as a Mother. Crack Whores can give birth but that doesn't mean they are Mothers. I know Mothers that complain about their children and even act like they are a annoyance in their life. I think that is my biggest annoyance to me. Reading FB updates about how their are driving them crazy and then another friend is so sad and distraught about not being able TTC ( trying to concieve) SueAnn adores Riley and I'm so happy that her baby has changed her and gotten her on the right path. I just know now that if I have children I'm going to be much older and have a much better apprication for waiting so long. I know my self so much better. I know what kind of parent I would be after helping so many friends with their kids. Like what I wont do. All 3 of my siblings are so far the best parents I know. All my nieces and nephews are so well behaved. They have manners! They listen to directions and in all the times I've helped watch them I never had major problems. My siblings are doing a great job. My parents did a wonderful job raising all of us. Being the Black Sheep I still ended up pretty good. None us ever had drug problem, legal problems, no teen pregnancies! We all have good morals and now and none of us smoke. It's called tough love ya'll! I'm still teriffied of my Dad! The Dude is scary! You just didn't and don't F with my parents. I love my parents. They have taken care of me through this roller coaster of a life. My Sister and I are gettinvg really close. My family is close! I love all my babies and they love their Aunt Trini ( family nickname. No you can't call me that) I just hope to add to the family wether it's a nucular family or adoption. Lord hear my prayers! Babies are my heart.

Going to Minnesota redue

Yikes I accidently deleted the orginal blog from earlier today! So I'm going to Minnesota with my BFF Mary to help her move and shop for her new house. She's moving for her work and so her and her Husband can live under the same roof. I'm sad she's going but I know that she's a bestie for life! I'm excited to see the new house with her! Her and her husband just got back from Aruba. I saw the pics. So jealous! Also got approved for unemployment today so Praise Jesus and thank you for answering my prayer! I know I wrote a lot more. Great job interview with a head hunter for a Foreclouser Law Firm. Hope to hear back! Can't wait for Minnesota! Will have to check out the MOA!

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Every day, make it your prayer as you go through the day. Remember to keep God in your thoughts, your focus. Every day, I will pray and pray and praise and praise. My prayers will not cease. My hope is intact, and my life is covered. (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God. My favorite Scripture. So Simple and profound yet so hard to do. To be still. To trust. To have Faith that God will take care of everything. As the scriptures say " My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts". Life can be so hard. There's so much Sin in the world. Some is by your own doing and some is by others. Trying every day trying not to let it effect you. To focus on God and not let money troubles, work troubles, health troubles, children, stress etc. I have such a heavy heart in general. I feel like I have to keep settling for a life that seems to be meteoaker from what I hoped it would be. Nothing has gone the way I planned. Sitting her daily praying to God about what he wants from me. Where am I supposed to go, to be. My heart is for Ministry yet I have no clue what to do. There's no signals of what to do or go?I have minimal college education. Didn't finish my Associates Degree at DMACC and got a massage licence but my body gave out. Something most of society doesn't get. The Human body wears and tears and breaks down like everything else. Giving a massage is a work out. So I've been doing customer service for years. Just brining in a pay check to pay my bills. Can't really say it's my dream. Massage was one but that's over. So I pray to God about where my career path may go. I already mentioned singleness.... Not my choice but it seems to be my Lot in life. I dated a lot in 2011 but 2012 I am seriously kaput. If a Godly man wants to persue me like he should then I'd think about it. But that's if one even wants me. I just so disgusted with dating. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I'd gotten married in my early and poped out a few kids? Would I be happy. I want an Angle like the one in It's a Wonderful Life to come and show me what life would have been if Mike and I did get married at 22 like we'd planned back in the day. Well I will never know. Just like I'll never know what would have been if I'd moved with Jason to Wisconsin. I have to be still and know that God is God. I have no control. My life is in His hands. Trying to control anything is futile! So thats whats on my mind today.

Ok so the Single thing.... God really likes toying with me. I saw my High School Crush today ( granted I was boy crazy in High School. Valley was a smoraish board for Hot guys) but this was Thee crush. Thanks to A. Des Moines being small B. Keeping in contact with old Valley people I've beeninformed of His where abouts. Dispite shaving his head and looks like Mr. Clean. I don't dig that look at all. Well any ways sitting in my car outside the gym and i look up quick and a guy walks by cover from head to toe in Hawkeye stuff ( barf) and I see his face and know it's him. I see Him walk by and start shaking His head and I swear he has a smirk too. I know I'll never have him but Love it!come on God I didn't need to see him and bring out that feeling you get when you see someone you like! Not to mention he's kind of a jerk. But stupid me reverts back to 15!! Ahhhhhhhhhh 8'm trying not to think about Men period! Any ways since the Blog wont let me do paragraphs. It feel good to be back in the pool. I've been swimming since birth basically. Swam on swim team at Echo Valley and Wakonda counrty clubs growing up. I now wish I hadn't quit about 12 and stuck with it longer. Only sport I'm good at. Freestyle is my best stroke and I'm a sprinter type of swimmer not long distance. But the feeling of shooting of the wall and flying through the water like Super Man is the closest thing to flying I've experinced. I love the way the water feels on my body as I glide through it. I feel free and unaware of anything else. It's the best excersie out there. It's great therapy for my body with fibromyalgia and PCOS. The most I've swam is half a mile at one time in my adult years. Am trying to work back up to that. I love swimming and water. They water both calimng and theraputic! ........ I also took up knitting recently with knitting looms. It's also very theraputic and makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Currently knitting new born hats to donate to local maternity wards! It's my new hobbiesand I love it! All the yarns to chose from and all the different looms!! Never did I see my self ss a knitter!!....... So unemployed again. The last time was 9 1/2 months. I hope not that much longer now. Bit the last time I took a trip cross country to see my BFF Tammy on Salt Lake City! Drove 16 hours straight by my self! I loved SLC!! I felt like I wad home out there. The mountains where a comfort. I want to back out again but take the train this time! Do I'm dreaming of SLC!! OK that's all for now. God bless. P.S. there's still typos cuz of my phone. Sorry.

I love being a Woman!

Oh how I love being a Women! There's something about being the Glory of Creation! Yes Eve was the crown to God's creation so all women follow Eve! God's beauty on earth and Satan's prime Target. I may be a Plus size women but oh how I love my curves and embraced my inner and outer beauty! Took me 30 years. Yes I'm not happym with my belly and the lower half is repulive but I know know that's a symptom of Polocystic Ovarian Syndrom or PCOS. Even after the weight gain, acne, irregular cycles or none at all. Been since Oct since AF showed up. Even after all of that I still love it. Sure I pluck my chin daily and shave my upper lip. I still feel beautiful and I love taking care of my self! I love beauty products and have since I was little! My Mother always made fun of me. Well like Mother like Daughter. She's the Queen of beauty products. My favorite brands are of course Mary Kay ( I sell it and stand by how great it is) and now Avon. Both have quailty skin care and make up! You should the organizer in my bathroom. 5 drawers. 1st is hair 2nd is lotions 3rd is foundations 4th is eyes 5th is brushes and blushes! 6th is misc. I also am a purfume whore. I have close to 50 scents!!! I just love perfume! My wardrobe is all Lane Bryant! 9 Coach purses. Funny thing is I'm not huge into shoes. I lover heels but can't war em. Perfer cute black shoes that can go with anything. I love taking showers and the feeling after getting out of the shower, slapping on think face cream! The thicker the better ( That's what She said) sorry I had too! It's so important ladies to moisturize daily and use anti aging products! I started at 25. Lucky for me I got the Barnhill genes and look young any ways! I love the thick stuff. Once I turned 30 about 6 months in I noticed my face drying out quickly so now I pile on several different lotions, serums, creams and gels. Another product I can get enough of it cleansers. Again I was with 2! Exfoliate, cleans and smoothing are important in a cleanser. So I highly recommend Mary Kay Timewise collection or Avon Anew collections. I love Mascara, I probably have 20 in my drawer. Mary Kay Lash Love, Mark Lash All you want, Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara, and several others. I love have think black lashes! Ok so I hope you enjoyed my blog about beauty products! Gona watch movies!

living situation

So SueAnn and I have been trying to work out what is best in this situation. We have been getting along better since the blow up. She's going to be paying for Feb to my Dad. If we would continue to live together we'd need a bigger place to have more space. She's trying to figure out what to do finically. Her car about to die. Like I said we are friends but even friends can have figvhts even when living together. She's a OCD clean freak and it doesn't bother me if the blankets in the living room arn't folded. So she's staying through Feb. Right now we're running errands today. It helps I'm paid up again and she is working full time. A lot more time apart and more space for me. So we will see what will happen. She's weighting her moving options. That's all so "Write that Down" Van Wilder! Peace and God Bless!

Difference of Opinion

Everyone has their right to their own opinios. I've been known to share mine a time or two. So much I've ended relationships over it. Wether it is over politics, religion, sex, marriage, gay marriage, war, etc. Just engaged in a discussion with thr actress Holland Taylor on Tweeter about Abortion. I used be extremely Pro Choice that was until I made the Choice for my self. No one told me the after effects and what kind of impact it would have on me both physically and mentally. Please excuse the typos, my phone has a mind of It's own! I spent many years in a deep depression and self hatered. I had no idea the implacation it would have on me. I used to sit and wonder if my marriage sublequent divorce were my punishment for having the abortion. It took me 5 years to forgive me self. It took reading a book called the Atonment Child to heal and realize the implacations of Abortion. Roe vs. Wade will most likely never be reversed and as my Mom said she doesn't want women to go back to Back Ally or coat hanger abortions. Each women has to make up their minds. I want each of them to carefully inform thel selves of what having an Abortion is like. I took the Abortion Pill and it was like a miscarriage but it was tramatizing and lefct an impact cuz I knew what I was doing. Trying to save my ill fated future husband from leaving me. Paternity wase in question and people were coming at me on both sides. All I can say now is I was a nieve 24 year old. I can't go back but I can share my story and hope maybe a child and Mother will be saved from it. What I would give to have my child now. Now that I fear never having one due to PCOS. God hears my fears. Like my post before... I'm single and accepting it cuz it doesn't seem to be a reality for Marriage and Motherhood. So I will be content. I spent all of 2011 dating and realize it wasn't all it's cracked up to be. So God my life is yours and has been since 08. Trying to live for my self got me nowhere and fixating on it doen't help. Only makes me depressed. Lord I pray anyone who is pregnant and scared. May you find her and give her peace. Amen.

Single

I'm a Single Woman. I used to have a issue with saying those words but not anymore. Technically I'm a Divorced Woman. Atleast someone wanted me at one point. Yeah that's how I looked at it. Not anymore. I'm Single and proud of it. After a handful of bad relationships and one terrible marriage I don't really care anymore. The longer I'm alone the better I become at life! It's so hard to find someone who wants what you want. Someone who has the same values and beliefs as you. So after 31 years I just give up. I'm going to stop fighting it. I had always saw my self married with 5 kids. Now I sit in and ask my self is that really what you want? I just spent the last year helping a single Mom raise her baby. Maybe it's just me or is it all just not what's it's all cracked up to be. Am I too selfish in the long run for that type of life style? These are questions I've been pondering. I mean why hasn't God fullfilled those desires yet. Or are those desires fading cuz it is starting to feel more like a fantasy then reality? I'm single and I'm good at it. Being single isn't the problem it's giving up intimacy and sex. Some of you can't believe I just went there, especially my very faithful friends. But I ask you who are married now. Would you want to give it up once you've had it. There something special and amazing in Sex. It's about connection and love. Yes Love for those who think the 2 can be sperated. God created us to connected physically but he also created it to be in marriage. Kudo's to those who waited till marriage! You will be blessed I know! Back to my orginal thought. Single. It's not what it used to be. To me Single means being strong. Facing trails alone (except with God of course) I've been married so I've seen both sides. Even in thed worst marriage there still a sense of ..... Oh Lord the word is on the tip of my tounge. Security that's it! Security. You don't have that being Single. Being single you life is up in the Air. You don't know what's going tohappen ever! You don't feel like setting up a life like buying a home. It just doesn't make sense to me but as I'm getting older I've come to accept nothing will ever go the way you plan it. I should have 5 rug rats running around but I don't. I don't have a career. Currently unemployed. I've lived in the same place for 9 years. My life has had a lot of ups and downs but somethings do stay the same. Like being Single. It's something I'm good at. Which is good cuz I love me and being alone a lot with me. That may suprise many of you but most of my time I'm a introvert! Oh yeah I can be that crazy chick you all know in love but I love alone time. So in closing I'm single and it's not a bad thing. I'm also an Aunt, Christian, swimmer, knitter, Packers Fan, movie buff, book worm, music lover..... The list goes on. Until next time!

The Help

I just watched The Help. It brought out the Liberal side of me. Oh did I mention I was raise by a flaming liberal Mother, did I? Oh well yeah she is and I'm proud of her! She was a Jr in High School when Kennedy was shot. She married Dad 2 months early cuz he was drafted to Vietnam. So that being said she's a product of the 60's cuz her Father was a flaming Conservitive. How this movie made me mad. Granted it was 50 years ago but still. As a Christian it still gets to me. Why people think they are better than others because their race, creed, politics, religion, sex, sexual preferance is beyond me. We may have changed and now have a Black President in the Office but it's not his skin color that's always in question. It's his Father's religion and if he was born in the United States. So we still have prejudices even in the White House. So what if his father was Muslim. Islam wasn't respondsible for 9/11. Radical terrorist who practice there own religion that has nothing to do with what Mohammed wrote. So The Help is still very relevant in this day and age. Christ Him self said not to Judge other but to Love Each Other as He loved Us. If you are a Believer in Christ then you also know that we are all equal in God's eyes. Gal 3:28. So with that being said I thought the movie was brilliant.

I'm starving!!

Anyone else wake up so hungry they can't fall back asleep? I do all the time. I'm up and trying to go back to sleep. So I get up and make my self some Carnation instant breakfast. This is a random blog but I felt like sharing!! I'm super tired. All I've done for the last 2 days is run around and do errands. Today I plan on staying home, look for jobs and watch movies. Update later today!! God bless!!

Welcome to my underground lair!

Welcome to my Blog. I'm using my phone to update so please make room for some typo's as my phone likes to knock me off the blog. Well where to start. I'm 31 years, 9 months, 7 days old today! I was born in Des Moines, Iowa. I still live here. Not that I haven't wanted to move, trust me I do to Phoenix AZ, it's just never been God's will in my life. I've been living by God's will for 4 years now. Yes I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. He's the Center of my life and my heart. I could go on and tell you all the horrible things  Ithat have happened to lead me to find Him but not now. Jesus is King.