4 years Single

So just a few days ago marked my day of Rebirth. The day I ended my marriage. 4 years later I seem to be in a completely different place. No wanting to continue in trying to find love and getting remarried. I don't care anymore and have decided that wont be what defines me or my life. I had such High hopes that after it feel apart it wouldn't be hard for me to find anyone and move on and get married. Ha it's been a horrible couple years of dating and another reason for me to just stop caring. I honestly stopped believing there is a guy out there who believes what I believe and wants what I want. This may seem bitter what I'm writing and maybe it is but I had such High hopes that it was just Him and not all men could be like that. That there were men who believed in Marriage what it truely is. Ok I know they exsist cuz my Friends are married to them. My Friends through church I mean. Trust me I know friends with some real pieces of work other halves. I just don't believe it's for me anymore. I still believe in Love but not that Romantic love. Agape Love is what I believe in and Agape Love is the Love of Christ for those who don't know. It's unconditional Love. God is the only real Love I'll experince in this fallen world. Cuz the Love I get from family and friends comes from that Agape love. Agape love is how we tolorate people who drive us crazy like my roommate and me. We are so close we fight horribly but then we make up. cuz we love each other. She says I'm one of the only people who's truly cared about her. It's not me it's God loving her through me. God's Love is far better than any Romantic love could be. cuz Romantic love dies. Romantic love can walk away and not look back. I remember how in-love I was and it still makes me cry. That wonderful man I dated and got engaged too. I hope I see him in the after life, if he ever exsisted. So far my True love in this life. But Romantic love dies and when that happens you have to hold onto God and what God can give you. It's true I have no Fear in Death. I know that on the other side there will be no pain, no heart ache, happiness and Joy. I get a new body! I get to see Jesus and be with God the Father! That's real love to me. I don't know what love for a child is like since I'm not a Mother. I'm an Aunt and I adore all those children beyond words. The closest thing i have to Motherhood. I've helped raise a baby over this past year. Riley has been such a blessing to me. I have adopted her in my heart! She's a precious 14 month old that drives me nuts some times! I have just so much running through my head. I'm going to focus on going back to school, eventually buying a small house and trying to become a Foster Parent and hopefully adopting that way. I don't believe I need to give birth to be a mom even thought I'd like one biological child. To give birth would be the icing on the cake but I don't put my hope in it actually happening. I hope for what is plausable. I know God will take care of me and I know where I'm going so just live day to day is how I make it in this world.